This illustrates some of the things that children need to support their well-being, ways we can support this as parents (CARE skills work great for this), and ways that children act out when they are feeling depleted.
Understanding a Calm Down Corner
A calm down corner (or area as it doesn’t have to be in a corner) is a place for angry and upset children to go to engage their minds and release their anger.
The Purpose
Becoming and remaining calm during anger is an important skill for children to learn. When we are angry, something significant happens in our brains. We experience an “amygdala hijack” and the primitive part of our brain is activated.
This is the fight, flight, or freeze response.
When we are in our primitive brains, we have limited access to logic and reasoning. We are quick to react without thinking it through. We just aren’t able to think clearly.
The purpose of the calm-down corner is to get out of fight or flight, and engage the thinking part of the brain again. Until the anger has subsided, a child can’t really learn the lessons we want to teach about why their behavior is unacceptable and what they should do instead.
The Feel
This is not a punitive space that the child is banished to for a set number of minutes. Young children will most likely need help from an adult to calm down. This should be a soothing and inviting space – not at all threatening. Objects in the space should be familiar and engaging.
When to Use It
- During a tantrum
- When a child is being aggressive
- When they are fighting with siblings
- When they are showing the beginning signs of anger (clenched jaw, reddening face, raising voice). Teach children to recognize these signs.
What’s in the Corner?
Everyone’s corner looks a little different because it should be tailored to suit your individual child. Here are the major components of a great calm-down corner.
*Comforting: Provide a comfortable place to sit with something that they enjoy. You can use pillows, cushions, blankets, or even a rocket ship!
*Sensory: Some children are soothed with sensory activities. You can make a “sand table” with colorful rice scented with a drop of lavender essential oil in a Rubbermaid bin. Add some hidden gems and a couple of spoons for digging around in the rice with. Other ideas are construction paper to rip or blowing into a crushed plastic bottle. Play-dough could be used for kids that find that relaxing.
*Calming: Calm-down glitter jars that are all over Pinterest and kids love to shake it and watch it swirl around. The goal is to shift the mind to something besides the upset, and watching the glitter focuses the mind and brings it to the present moment.
*Engaging: Books to look through and also paper and markers for drawing or scribbling. Your child may like small stuffed animals, a coloring book, or toy cars.
After They Are Calm
This is when you let her know that her behavior wasn’t acceptable, why it wasn’t acceptable, and teach the skills she needs to do better the next time such a situation arises. This may mean role-playing the scene over with her, each taking turns being the child who got angry to show her how to notice signs of anger in her body and how to manage those feelings. Teach her how to handle whatever incited the anger. If she got angry at her brother over a toy, teach conflict resolution skills.
These are skills that take a while to learn, so understand that her brain is still growing and developing, and she may not yet be able to control herself all the time. With time and practice, she’ll be able to start using the calm-down corner all on her own and self-regulate.