The step kids are getting back on the normal schedule of weekly exchanges. I’ve found myself getting extremely frustrated with them lately and reflected on it when I met with my counselor. I don’t act the same when they are around now that Daniella is gone, it’s just not the same dynamic.
We came down to the realization that I feel that I am a bystander in my house. When the kids aren’t here is the only time that I’m in control of my own household. When they are here they bring their dad and his rules, or lack of, to our home creating chaos because it’s a challenge to keep a standard.
I talked with my girlfriend about it and she agreed that it’s basically her and dad and then I’m over here on the sideline. We have our own household and it’s time to make it that. So this time when the kids came we sat them down and discussed rules at our house and that when they walk in the door that they apply.
The resolution was quite enlightening, the kids surprised me. We asked how they would feel if we constantly talked over them, and ignored them when they asked us to do something. “Disrespectful”, they replied, “and it would make us angry or frustrated.” Right and that’s how we feel when we ask you to do a task and you ignore or debate with us instead of following the rules.
It’s not easy but I do love these kids as my own and when I speak of them they are mine. I didn’t dislike them, but, I wasn’t setting my boundaries and that is not healthy. I realize that now and it makes a lot of sense.
Those of you with Step-kids that travel between houses, do you face the same issue? How do you deal with it?